I'm not gonna be IGNORED...
Everyone remembers how well Alex (Glenn Close) endeared herself to Dan (Michael Douglas) in Fatal Attraction after their ill-fated, brief boink session:
"Well, what am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls; you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!"
The irony is, I suppose, that it's hard to make someone not ignore you. There's the psychopath's approach, which makes others fear and despise you--and thus pay attention. But the most powerful way to deflect a stalker, or so I've heard, is to completely ignore them--don't engage them at all, because it will just encourage them. They're just looking for attention--even negative attention--and when they don't get it, hopefully, they'll move on.
But Dan, of course, had to proceed oh so delicately, as his cozy life--complete with beautiful wife, charming daughter, and gorgeous house in the country--might be at stake. So he couldn't just throw Alex out when she showed up at his office unannounced, or bitch slap her when she appeared at his home to meet with his wife under the pretext of buying his city apartment, newly up on the market. He had to pay attention to Alex, like it or not. But under other circumstances, ignoring others can be the deadliest weapon in the passive agressive individual's arsenal.
So here I am, feeling like a turd in the litterbox straight from BG's cat's anus, all sorry for myself because several of my old blogpals have been conspicuously absent from recent posts.
Sure, they have lives to lead and blogs to write. (Talk about your lame excuses!) But that doesn't stop me from wondering if I've said or done something wrong.
I can take being insulted a lot better than being ignored or shunned. At least when you're attacked, you have something to grab onto. If you're ignored, you're grasping at thin air.
In the interim, I've been doing some blogging "maintenance"--surfing the web for interesting blogs to comment to and searching out blogging techie info. I will be adding links to some of these new cool blogs shortly. But I have to say, I tend to lose interest in a blog or site that doesn't allow comments, or that allows comments but never responds to them. On the upside, I'm starting to trade comments back and forth with some more cool folks with bitchin' blogs.
I have been guilty in the past of falling behind on my comments to comments, but I've vowed not to do this again. Half the fun of visiting a blog is to return and see the response to your comment. Or is it just me?
In addition, one of my best blogger buds and I have been on the outs for awhile. Sucky.
As I've learned from experience, the result of my whining will probably be more stony silence from my tormentors. It is considered uncool and very bad form to beg or kvetch in this cheap manner. But this has been getting me down for a little while now, and I felt like I had to vent. So there you have it.
posted by elvira black @ 1:53 AM
22 Comments:
Talk about your instant karma--ariadneK over at Weird Cake just posted one of my comments as an honest-to-goodness blog post! Awesome! Thank you, A!
I'm here, I'me here LOL
Fatal attraction, "shiver"
I've been stalked by 2 crazy women and it's scary. One called me up and told me if I didn't tell her where I was (because I managed to shake the tail)that she was going to kill herself by flinging her body off of the balcony.
I told her not to do it and she got all warm and fuzzy and said "why because you love me"
I said no, because you on the 4th floor and you may only hurt yourself. Go to the roof and get it right you fucken nut.
Another one would park outside my hiouse and stare at my door. My dog was afraid to go out for a crap because she was always there.
Some people need a life.
Your regulars will return, its just summer and they need some sun I guess.
Have a nice day.
I just love checking out all the great blog spots on the net. Here is one of my websitesthrush boss turbo related site. It isn't anything special as I am still learning, but you may still find something of interest.
DAMN I haven't watched that movie in a long time, I need to pull it out! Excellent movie, and YES that's exactly the thing that stalker's thrive on: being noticed at ALL. I won'[t go into all of the horrid details for now, but my little sister was in a situation like that last year that ended very violently/ugly (she's okay though, but still stupid as ever) with the guy she was with at the time. Did she have the balls to ignore him? NO she did not. In fact she had figured out what a damn freak he was EVEN BEFORE SHE LET HIM MOVE IN WITH HER...and he was STILL MARRIED to someone else as well. (Needless to say, she is a very needy/"always has to be with a gy" sort of female and hooked up with someone else manipulative about 3 months after dumping the other guy, who DID stalk her during the whole three-month time span that elapsed). Well! that was indeed a huge tangent, but what I guess I also wanted to add is that, even if "old" blog buddies disappear, that simply is a reflection on them, NOT anything that you may have said to "piss them off" or anything. If they're not dedicated enough to leave comments regularly (or at the least good enough drop a short email to say, "Hey, my life/work/whatever has me by the balls lately but I'll be around soon"), then screw it. there will always be new people that happen upon your blog (like me!) who love it and plan to check in as regularly as possible. I've experienced the same sort of stuf before, too. At times I worried too much about whether people who "disappeared" were not happy or bored with what I write, but then I decided that I didn't really care at all, and that's been a good thing. Hell, even when I've really been out of line and mentioned crap about this one blog visitor being a cutie (I can be rather bad when I attempt to blog-post, either to my own or to The Ultimate Blog, after I've taken an Ambien to try to get to sleep) he hasn't been afraid to continue visiting the blog...heheh. Keep up the good work, and I'll be here!!!
Walker:
I knew you must have had at least a few Walker-stalkers in your past. Stalkers of either sex are scary, though with women it seems even weirder and more repulsive because it's such a role-reversal from the traditional notion of what a woman is "supposed" to do in a relationship.
Ah, yes, the old suicide threat--looks like you didn't fall for that old chestnut. And the parker--not quite as confrontational, but creepy nonetheless--plus she traumatized your dog. Bad girl!
Guys often don't realize how obsessive women can be about men who've caught their fancy. I would never dream of chasing a guy down, but when I was younger I had a kind of mental stalking thing going on--obsessively thinking about, writing about, and talking about some bozo who (typically) toyed with my heart and treated me shabbily.
In college, I was in love with the big druggie on campus (lol). Him and his bud always had the best thai stick and ludes. They listened to the coolest music. Had this whole lacksadaisical, aloof vibe about them that I was drawn to like a fly to shit.
So I start shagging this bozo, and for some reason fall head over heels with the schmuck. He was a premature ejaculator, didn't have much of anything to say, and didn't even remotely resemble Ralph Fiennes.
I'd never dare to stop by his dorm room--I'd wait until he came by or left a casual note scrawled on my door; something like: " E, stopped by to see you--swing by later if you want--J." I was cleaning out my closets the other day and discovered that I'd saved those stupid scraps of paper for all these years. I used to read them over, trying to wring out some nuace of meaning from them. Talk about a pathetic wacko.
I just couldn't stop thinking about him, even when I went out with other guys (and cheated on him once with his roomate--heh heh). It's a funny thing, but some women just seem to be masochistically drawn to those who hold them in the lowest regard. It's like a twisted, super-powerful aphrodisiac. Go figure.
Regulars, schmegulars...if they're gone, so be it. As with the above example, I'm not renting them any more space in my head.
Anonymous:
I am so deeply flattered that you've used my humble little blog to hawk your remedies for candida and vaginal yeast infections. Anything I can do the help the cause of thrush-busting--those pesky little bacterium must be stopped!
ariadneK:
Wow, sounds like your sister got herself into quite a quagmire. Sometimes women are super-flattered by a guy who pays them lots of attention and is super posessive and jealous. But there's usually a dark side to that scenario. Sometimes you just can't win--either you meet insensitive, uncaring jerks or guys who won't let go even if it kills you (lol). Fortunately, there is a happy medium, but sometimes it takes awhile to find--esp. when you're young, I think.
I can't tell you how much better your comment made me feel. I felt so uncool mentioning it, but it really started to make me feel very hurt and bewildered. The thing is, I could say, "oh, blogger A is just too busy"--until I notice that they've somehow found the the time to comment to fellow blogpal B's site. Or when I faithfully comment to Blogger C's site--even if I'm the only one who does--and they completely ignore it. Things like that--shit, this sounds so chidish.
But I do believe in karma, and it applies equally to the net. I think you get what you give, ultimately. Plus, I often find that a "bad" situation can turn into a "good" one. The happy result was that I had more time to check out other cool blogs--like yours, Walkers, et al--and that was a good thing. Anyway, It's reassuring to know that you've felt and experienced the same phenom. Thanks, A.
Hey Blackie,
To site something similar to that movie: my ex. She would drive by my house late at night sometimes, well after the divorce. I could
recognize her 1985 Blue Aries Stationwagon with the country wood side paneling. (Not too many other
cars like that).
She would either drive by real slow, or sometimes park across the street for a few minutes. I never once went out to see what she was doing-I was too scared! No way was I ever going to call the police. I just thought she would finally give up. And, she eventually did.
Anyway, MD's character in the movie was married to Ann Archer-a
pro at playing housewives, etc, in
many other flicks too, (like with Harrison Ford as Dr. Ryan). Yes, Dan didn't want to even lose that relationship.
He (Dan) did have a lot to lose, funny how he didn't see it until it was almost too late. (MD did something similar too in the 1992 movie "Disclosure" with Demi Moore. The boy needed to keep it in his pants-LOL. But, then you wouldn't have neat movies like those two, would you?
Oh well, so much for a moral axiom.
Many ex's, both men and women, can't seem to "get over it". I guess it's human nature to covet, even if there is nothing left to hold on to. That commandment for Exodus makes a lot of sense. It keeps one's sanity in check by not holding on to stuff that isn't yours, (even if it was long ago).
BLLB
BLLB:
Wow, that is weird about your ex--since I thought she was the one who initiated the split up? Very strange.
I asked BG the other day if he was ever stalked, and he said "Hell no. I wish." (lol). But talking about his past has given me a few insights into those burning questions women always have about "why didn't he call again" or "what went wrong?" from a male perspective.
I guess this doesn't classify as stalking, but BG told me about the time he dragged you to a biker bar and a group of wild chicks started dancing around him. He was too drunk to do more than dance from the waist up while sitting on the barstool. Then I think a cat "stalked" him home. So it may not have been stalking. What would one call it--group worship?
Oh, well, BG's broken a few hearts in his time, as I'm sure you have--but not every lucky girl winds up with the big prize! S and I lucked out big time.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
That last deleted comment was mine. I wanted to take out a sentence that I felt might be too unkind. Gotta watch that karma
So, here's a special note for a special old "friend":
Believe it or not, it's not all about you, Henry.
My issue with you was of a different caliber.
Buh-bye.
Sorry, I've been a little distracted lately, haven't really done any blogging. Fatal Attraction was a good movie, but I think there were two things she did wrong. 1) I would have never hurt the poor beautiful bunny rabbit, that was just wrong. 2) When he showed up at her apartment and attacked her (after she took the daughter out for a day of fun), I would have pressed charges.
One other thought, Elvira. You should really check out a self-help book called I Used To Miss Him... But My Aim Is Improving.
Adios, Sayonara, Ciao, Aloha, Alu'a, Totsiens, Mirupafshim, Ma'a ElSalama, Menak Parov, Khoda Hafez, Kenavo, Adéu, Farvel, Adieu, Au revoir, Auf Wiedersehen, Shalom, Zai jian, Ha det, Adeus, Lar-korn, Dovidenia...
Ice:
Hope college classes are going ok....yes, the bunny rabbit thing was gross, but I guess was put in to show that the guy's daughter might be the next one in the soup pot.
I also think she did press charges against him at one point--though I could be wrong.
The book sounds interesting. Fortunately, I'm not still obsessing--now it's just fodder for a blog post, so the experience back then served its purpose in a number of ways.
There's actually another really cool book called Be Honest - You're Not That Into Him Either.
In women's studies, we were reading excerpts from the Hebrew Bible, and we were looking for ways in which women were victims of the patriarchy, and subversive to the patriarchy. I don't suppose you have any thoughts here?
Ice:
I love those kind of books. I'll have to check it out when I get a chance.
As to your question: yes, I do have thoughts on the matter. Several years ago, I read a book that claimed that artifacts existed-- predating the Old Testament --which included a rendering of the Genesis story, but with God portrayed as a female diety. The implication was that perhaps the Book of Genesis was appropriated from this earlier source and changed to a patriarchal tale. And of course other religions worshipped goddesses as well. In any case, it was very compellingly presented, with appropriate documentation, etc. So there you have it!
I'll have to mention that to my professor. It's not terribly surprising, though. A lot of those things were translated during a time of intense chauvenism. Those men wanted to control women so that they wouldn't have to control themselves.
Back to Fatal Attraction for a moment, I do remember feeling that I had a lot in common with Alex. I would totally understand why she did things. Should I be concerned about this?
Ice:
I'll try to look up the name of that book for you. Another thing I remember reading--maybe not from the same book though--was that in prehistory, at least some cultures did not realize the connection between sex and conception, and therefore pregnancy and childbirth were even more awesome phenom. Women were, in effect, mysterious and powerful creators of life--and thus it would be easy to understand why a female goddess might be worshipped.
As for your second question--you have inspired one of my next posts where I will delve in detail into this issue. Thank you for the inspiration!
I think you might feel a little more inspired if you check out the new update to the main page of my blog. Now, that's interesting. I'd be very curious to know your opinion.
Ice:
Yes, it was interesting--I've e-mailed you about it too.
Don:
Although it has various shades of meaning, kvetch is basically Yiddish for complain. It can be used as a verb (quit kvetching so much about that creep already--you're better off without him!) or a noun (my boss is such a kvetch--so what if I blog all day; what's it to him?)
However, to me it means more than "complain" can convey. A seasoned kvetcher is a very public moaner and groaner--the kind of person, say, who will tell you all about their various ailments in excruciating detail.
A few people have implied that this is a "rant" blog. Ranting is a little different than kvetching--it usually implies the employment of righteous indignation, whereas kvetching is more akin to an impotent, gratuitous whine fest.
As a rule of thumb, I think most Americans are born ranters--and New Yorkers in particular make a career out of it. Combine that with kvetching, and you've got quite a formidable pain in the ass on your hands.
As far as promotion--I wrote a rant awhile back concerning my attempts to promote my boyfriend BG's art at a downtown "alternative" NYC gallery. It was a very expensive waste of time and money. Subsequently, I posted some of his art here, and he got more positive responses than he ever did from the brick and mortar venues--and it didn't cost a dime! The internet does seem like the ideal promotional tool--if you can get anyone to pay attention, that is.
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