Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Shithouse tidbits

A few little odds and ends about my site map, comments, and last but not least, a bitchin' BG mini-tale.

COOL SITE MAP UNDER RECONSTRUCTION!
My site map (see the right column) is new and improved. It features two lists: one shows all my posts in reverse chronological order. The second features posts by category. Some of it is hyperlinked; I should be finished shortly, for ultimate user-friendliness.

Mad about psychos? Check out the posts under PSYCHOS, WACKOS, AND SHRINKS and CRAZY GENIUSES. Dysfunctional families your thing? Look under FAMILY MATTERS. Dig cigs, drugs, alcohol, AA horror stories, and tattoos? See SHAMEFUL, SINFUL, ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS. Not interested in my drivel, but want to see some cool artwork? Check out BG'S ART. Even more FASCINATING, RIVETING categories are just a click away!

Praise be to Henry for unveiling the mysteries of hyperlinks, as well as his subsequent tip about a nifty bit of code (target="gnu" inserted after the URL code but before the closing bracket) that brings linking wanderers back to home base by keeping the orig. window open underneath. You go, Henry!

COMMENTS ON COMMENTS
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: comments both nasty and nice, long and short are welcome, coveted, and adored. So far, I've never deleted a comment, except for COMMENT SPAM. Any comment spam or freeloading commenters ("Like your blog. Come to my site at http:love my blog.com") will be deleted without further dispatch. It's ok to list your site, but you must leave a legitimate comment too--i.e. at least one complete sentence with more than 3 words.

I aim to reply with comments to all commenters, but I have fallen behind. If anyone gives a shit, I'm going back and adding comments as I can, even to ancient posts. So if you've left a comment and have not seen a response from me, rest assured that one will almost certainly appear at some point.

A SHORT BG TALE ON CHURCH-GOING
My boyfriend BG and his brother UBBA were both staying with the folks for awhile to regain their sanity after wild forays in New York. (This was decades before I met BG.) BG's mom is a very devout Catholic, and goes to church virtually every day. She insisted the boys go to church on Sunday, but they refused to go to mass with mom and dad. Mom said that's fine, but you must go to the 5:30 mass later. They agreed.

Five o'clock rolled around, and BG and Ubba, dressed up in their finest churchgoing duds, rode on out. First stop was the church, where Ubba would go in and grab one of the weekly church bulletins. This listed all the details they needed if quizzed later by mom: the sermon, the mass, even the names of the altar boys.

This task done, they proceed to McDonalds where they chilled out for a few hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigs. At that time, smoking was allowed at Mickey D's--they even supplied cute little tinfoil ashtrays for this purpose. Sometimes, after mass let out, a few of the church ladies might stop by and say: "Aren't you momma BG's boys? We didn't see you in church." Ubba would mumble something about them being in the back row (where the really bad sinners sat in shame).

Then they would head back home. Momma BG would ask: "How was church?"

"Fine."

"Did you enjoy the sermon?"

"Oh yeah."

"Which part did you enjoy most?"

"Oh, lessee, the part about burning in hell for eternity was very enlightening."

"Good, boys. Dinner's ready. Time for some meatloaf!"

That's what you get for lying to your momma, boys!

13 Comments:

At 11:59 AM, Blogger !ce said...

This is why people shouldn't trust cults or eat meat, and should learn to recognize the symptoms of heavy metal poisoning. Watching Forensic Files will help you with that last part. It airs on Court TV a couple episodes a night on weeknights, and a couple extra on Saturday nights. They add one or two other show(s), and call this the Saturday Night Solution.

Once you figure out how to categorize the posts, could you teach me? On this note, I could probably save you some time by sending my new blog posts to your e-mail, if you're interested.

Elvira, you especailly should check out "my blog and click on the hate list link, which leads to two different pages. Truth: Local Scene talks about my recent interactions with SIK, whose board can be found here. The other page link so far discusses my negative experiences with the Bi_Polar group in more detail.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger !ce said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger !ce said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger !ce said...

The two links that are screwed up on my original posts are as follows: the hate list link (http://extremehatred.blogspot.com) and the local scene link (http://scenehatred.blogspot.com).

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

Ice:

Symptoms of heavy metal poisoning--I thought you might mean heavy metal bands, like your fave rave, SIK (lol). I love Forensic Files and all the other "murder shows" on cable.

BG and I have been on a "health kick" recently, and are eating only tuna, fruits and veggies/beans, plus dairy. Eschewing meat is certainly something to think about--it's very easy to objectify a steak and not even think about the fact that it came from a cow who had to be killed and butchered.

Which reminds me of yet another tale of BG's mom's dangerous cooking:

Another time when we visited, BG's mom thawed out the last of the chickens she had raised for awhile in her backyard. She got a bunch of baby chicks and after they had grown she had BG's dad slaughter them. I don't know what method he employed, but I do know if you cut a chicken's head off, they run around for awhile after being decapitated. Not a pretty thought.

Anyway, as if it wasn't enough that BG's dad had to do the dirty work, he also hates chicken. But BG's mom would not be deterred, and presented the special du jour to us. The chicken was scrawny and rangy tasting--not exactly Perdue oven stuffer quality--but at least it didn't have us rushing to the hospital or the toilet.

For links that leave your window open behind it, add target="gnu" just after the close quotes on the url portion of your hyperlink; then add the close bracket or > as you would normally. I don't think it works in the blogger comments section, however.

You can e-mail me your new blog posts if you like, or else I'll check 'em on your blog periodically.

For those interested in some serious dirt-dishing, do check out Ice's blog, and the hate links therein.

 
At 1:19 AM, Blogger rob said...

Organizing organization is one of my bad habits ... that's how I end up with 15 K photos clogging up my pc, hoping to some day get my favorites on a couple disks...it's so time consuming that I end up just organizing and re-organizing and not paying enough attention to you guys...but your blog is turning out awsome with links to posts upon posts. I am a little hyper-focused and get mislead when there are too many links to links to links, by the third link I forget what I started out reading and may not get back to the original post until after a couple days ... or at least one. I don't have cable, and don't have much time for boob-tube, but just finished watching a dvd a co-worker lent me on the Kennedy assassination ... there are many theories and conspiracy theories, but one thing is clear: how our government misleads, hides and blinds us to their nice, smelly, internal shit and the petty personal reasons to shove it at home as well as abroad. Other couple of examples are the abuse of MI patients as in Organizing organization is one of my bad habits ... that's how I end up with 15 K photos clogging up my pc, hoping to some day get my favorites on a couple disks...it's so time consuming that I end up just organizing and re-organizing and not paying enough attention to you guys...but your blog is turning out awsome with links to posts upon posts. I am a little hyper-focused and get mislead when there are too many links to links to links, by the third link I forget what I started out reading and may not get back to the original post until after a couple days ... or at least one. I don't have cable, and don't have much time for boob-tube, but just finished watching a dvd a co-worker lent me on the Kennedy assassination ... there are many theories and conspiracy theories, but one thing is clear: how our government misleads, hides and blinds us to their nice, smelly, internal shit and the petty personal reasons to shove it at home as well as abroad. Other couple of examples are the abuse of MI patients as in Chris' essay on Willowbrook or the one on Nagasaki at it's 60 years.

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger !ce said...

SIK is a whole other kind of poison. Have you been able to load their message board, or would you prefer that I e-mail you the idiotic comments?

If you gave up the tuna and replaced the dairy with soy, you would still get a lot of protein and calcium, and a lot less cholesterol. Just from my personal experience, Silk enhanced soy milk (the light blue carton) taste almost identical to cow's milk, and is enhanced with omega-3 fatty acids.

The more you talk about her, the more I'm convinced she's a sociopath. She could be toying with you about the cult. First of all, who would suspect a Christian of anything? Also, if it causes problems in the family, that could be a source of amusement.

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger Walker said...

I could leave you a long wided comment but I am to busy getting ready for the weekend. I like coming here because I can say what I want and that is important from where I see things.
You do put up some intteresting post.
Have a nice weekend , my stove calling me.

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Rob:

Yes, organization and un-collecting clutter are things I've struggled with all my life. I think I'm getting a bit better now.

I love to roam through layers of links, finding new and exciting cyber-worlds as I go. But what I've added here is a code that will bring the cyber-wanderer back to the Shithouse at long last if they choose. When I surf, I often skim and bookmark cool pages for further perusal. Of course, by now my bookmarks page is a long, cluttered, unwieldy beast, but I'm glad it's there.

I saw the ref's to your blog--want to go back and read the Willowbrook piece. As for Hiroshima/Nagasaki, Wikipedia has an interesting page re: the pro and con arguments of the time for these horrible bombings. Very thought provoking.

Ice:
I do love soy products like tofu and soybeans, but I'm not quite ready to give up the tuna just yet. I don't think BG's mom's intentions are sinister--but she is really really into her religion, and very eager to share her clerical enthusiasms--leave it at that.

Walker:
I am always flattered and honored when you visit and comment. I'd love to hear from you whenever you have the time to stop by--whether on new posts or older ones. Hope your weekend is great.

For all those within the sound of my voice--for a bitchin' read, check out Walker's Lost Here and Beyond. A super cool and deservedly popular blog--Walker is a cyber-superstar, baby!

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Henry said...

Ahh, another delightful tale about everyone's favorite Pope-driven fanatical food fascist.

It's really fun to mess with church freaks by having a few questions prepped for encounters with the strongly indoctrinated. It's best to make these the real mind bending conundrum type questions; the kind of quandry that is really without a concrete answer, or exposes some flaw in their religious "logic".

Look around on the Internet an you'll get a bunch of ideas, but here's a good starter for a devout Catholic:

Why do Catholics call priests "Father", when the Bible says, "And call no man your Father upon the Earth." (Matthew 23:9)?

Try that out, see if you get some head spinning....

LOL

 
At 2:17 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Thanks for the comment, H:

I'm not sure the two words "religion" and "logic" always go together, at least in extreme cases like, for example, Muslum fundamentalists. In any case, since religion is based on faith, it would probably be hard to get a devout believer to see the "error" in their logic--even if you achieve putting them at a loss for words for a moment. BG has sometimes tried this in the past with his mom. For instance, he asked her: if you have to be a Christian or Catholic to be saved, and there are millions of non-Christians in the world, does that really mean they will all perish and not go to heaven? She is as impervious to that sort of talk as Superman was to bullets.

BG's mom has always been very sweet and nice to me, and I do love her. The church hopping seems to keep her spy--she's much more energetic than I am, at least--and she looks 20 years younger than she is.

The only problem I have is when someone tries to convert me, or when religion is used to hurt others. BG's mom is very interested in Judaism, and doesn't seem to see me as a terrible sinner because of my religion, (fortunately for me). She does fervently wish that her boys would attend church regularly, but since they all moved out of the house decades ago, there's not much she can do.

My father was, I guess, a Protestant, but an unconventional one. So I knew something of that faith too, but I'd never been extensively exposed to Catholicism til I met my first boyfriend's family. As a young kid, I had a Catholic friend, and one day I happened upon one of her religious books that said Jesus was God. I got very indignant, and said, how could Jesus be God? They're two separate beings! Not being schooled in the mysteries of the Holy Trinity, I just didn't get it. Just from that instance, I could see easily see how arguments over religion could easily result in lost friendships--and in more extreme cases, bigotry and war.

Similarly, my aunt, who is an Orthodox Jew, could never accept the idea of me going out with a non-Jew, let alone living with one. We have a kind of "don't ask, don't tell" policy going on there.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Henry said...

I meant it more as a joke than anything else. Just something to have a little fun with BG's mom. Like when the Mormon boys come to my door, and I tell them to go home and masturbate like normal people. LOL

Like you said, it's the conversion factor that gets me; unless I ask, I don't really want to hear about someone else's religion. I'm not out there pushing Quakerism, so I'm really not too keen on someone telling me all about how their relgion is the true path to salvation, or some other nonsense.

In fact, I've been working on a post about Jesus (aka The Shining Stranger) and his mission to destroy the Messianic complex. It should be a real eye opener for some people.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

H:

There are quite a few nice clean cut Mormon "boyz" in BG's hood. They are kind of scary--black slacks, blindingly white dress shirts, blindingly white, blue eyed faces. I used to see all of them carrying backpacks and minding their own biz, and concluded that they were still students and not yet qualified to spread the word.

Now I'm starting to see some backpackless grads, and I did see a couple of Mormon guys talking to a pretty Spanish girl recently. One of the guys was beet red. I guess it's hard to remain chaste and banish evil thoughts for the faith--although I know some Mormons do still practice polygamy--quite a few in Utah, from what I've heard.

I tend to think that religions that consider sex sinful (except within the bounds of marriage) actually may exacerbate an unhealthy obsession with it. Look at child molesting priests; church leaders who are caught with their pants down; etc. When sex is so dirty, how can you resist it?

BG's mom does love to send many religiously filled missives. She sends me letters that are more "normal," but the ones to BG usually read like a church sermon. She also sends lots of books--some are very cool--but she also has a fetish for sending me tomes about Judaism. If I read them all, I think I could qualify as a rabbi--at least a Reform one. So she does dig us Jews too, which is chillin'.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home