Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Friday, May 12, 2006

The art of lethargy


...you guys go on...
Originally uploaded by aphasiafilms.
Ah yes, I haven't posted in awhile now, have I? A few scintillating highlights follow:

My "writing" brain may not be up to par right now, but my "dreaming" brain certainly has been in overdrive. For a very long time, I've had nightmares about my old jobs, especially the position I had in my twenties with a very exacting but often charming boss. Although sadly he died of AIDS decades ago, he still lives on in my dreams, where I frequently find myself unable to perform my job. Since under his employ I went through one hospitalization, two major depressions and a pretty intense hypomanic episode, I still re-experience the shame of those times when all I wanted was to please my boss but couldn't. Very unpleasant and disturbing.

Definite progress is being made in the excruciatingly drawn out process of getting the coop that I co-own with my ex-boyfriend sold. My ex is a compulsive buyer and consummate slob, so it took months to get his junk sold or discarded, and the rest stored (about 73 cartons worth of CDs, DVDs, and assorted ephemera) with a storage company. I just shelled out the bucks to have the place professionally cleaned, and met with a realtor the other day. Now we have to get some of the furniture scrapped, get some maintenance done, and get the place painted before it can be shown. This moment has been years in the making, so that has distracted me from writing as well.

Shit happens. I've been in a writing slump, which is part of the shit that happens when you're bipolar. I'm no longer in a hypomanic mode where the words and ideas just flow effortlessly. It may also be the meds, but I feel very lethargic about writing--even e-mailing. This is normally not the kind of post I would offer up, but it's about the best I can do right now.

I appreciate the comments on the last post so much. I will try to get my shit together and write a real post soon.

27 Comments:

At 2:35 AM, Anonymous paula said...

Bloglines has been lethargic too, it didn't gather the feed from your blog...I just happened to check in.

Glad to hear that your getting the coop situation under control.

Sorry to hear about the nightmares.

xoxo

 
At 2:36 AM, Anonymous paula said...

"you're" not "your".

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger Walker said...

Hold on, this is a real post. We come to hear your words of wisdom and confrlct but we come to visit you and see what you are up to.
Rememeber this blog is but a portal to your life an I for one come to see a friend.
It's good the co-op is getting closer to the market and nearing the end of some of your problems.
Have a nice weekend Elvira

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger !ce said...

I have been having some similar feelings lately. I actually am about to update my own blog. It's actually quite interesting. Let's toast to hatred, violence, and vengeance.

 
At 11:00 PM, Blogger digibrill said...

hope those nightmares will stop. I have "daydreams" about my horrible cannings and mistreatment at past jobs. That's why I am so protective of my current one, to the point of being not very lax about rules about equal treatment of everyone at the company. I have to do it for my own sanity and peace of mind. My nightmares still happen though, but about other weird things.

Hope you find time to blog and I hope that it gives you a little peace. You are in my prayers.

 
At 2:17 AM, Blogger Sage said...

Tis so nice to see your words fresh on my screen. Good to see that things are beginning to progress and look forward to following your trials and tribulations more in the
Shithouse Rat.

 
At 4:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger jane said...

Hi Elvira,
I can totally relate with your lethargy & you're right, shit does happen. Just keep pressin' on & eventually things will upswing again. I know you've got a writer's heart & will be pumping out post after post before you know it.
Tend to what you need to, I'll be here to read when you write.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger dan said...

Crap, woman, it sounds like your shit's already together.

Don't scare me.

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger SafeTinspector said...

Now there's an explanation!
Good luck with the co-op.
Good luck with the storage.
Rub a buddha belly.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger e.e. said...

i know 100% what you are going thru...
and the weather makes it worse.
All I want to do is sleep...

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger Nikky Egland said...

OH, I hope you get to feeling better soon. I so enjoy your posts!

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger Justine said...

Black elvira, I was lying in bed trying to sleep, thinking about you last night. Wondering when I'd see a post next. I got up a bit earlier before work just so I could visit... and here you are!

You're one of my biggest writing heroes. If you are hibernating away from cyber space, that's quite acceptable.
I hope the big auction goes OK. I hate auctions.

 
At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,
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http://www.playmates-girls.com
http://www.oxpe.net
If I find something else I'll inform you.
Best Regards, Yuriy

 
At 12:47 AM, Anonymous jane said...

Hi Sweetie,
Just stopped by to visit again, but you haven't posted. Would you do me a favor if you read this? Either just put up a post & say you're okay or email me @ janelovestarzan@gmail.com & say HEY. I just want to know you're alright, k?
((((((((((((elvira))))))))))

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger Sage said...

Time to update, my friend

 
At 3:02 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Thanks everyone for the comments! Jane, I'm ok, just at a "loss for words" right now--thanks so much for your concern!

 
At 10:00 AM, Anonymous brink craven said...

hi E--just got a chance to check in. Im always with ya girl! hang in. sounds like your accomplishing mucho!

love ya! brink

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

HI--hope you're doing well. I've just pulled out of a long depression and find that the words are no longer flowing now that I'm not in the dumps. Meh!

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger Remy said...

I've been fired from some of the best jobs in this town. Believe me I can tell you about nightmares.

When I wake up I daydream a different ending to them. Usually that means a horid demise to the bitch that fired me.

 
At 2:23 AM, Blogger digibrill said...

Hope things are going well for you.

 
At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Gastrohealth said...

This is a real post. I am sorry for your nightmares and i hope that you will be better soon. Take care for yourself.

 
At 4:09 AM, Anonymous Flower Delivery UK said...

Lethargy leads either to death of the mind or to diligence.

 
At 6:16 AM, Anonymous Flower Delivery said...

Love your blog, and this post especially, I hear you, girl !

 
At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Loan said...

Don't let lethargy put you down. Like Thomas Jefferson said, most people get ahead in the time other people waste, and lethargy is by definition wasted time, so get well, and don't give in so easily next time.

 
At 12:38 AM, Anonymous brand name shoes said...

I know just how you feel, lying in bed for an hour, every morning I pontificate on my lethargy and laziness before dragging my butt to work.

 
At 10:49 AM, Anonymous Michael said...

I know how you feel, Elvira, when your brain sometimes just shuts down and you feel like your body is going on without you, i feel you.
----
wicker furniture

 

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