Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

New York Story #1

Manhattan Bridge
Originally uploaded by olvwu.

There is a legendary New Yorker magazine cover cartoon from March 29, 1976 by Saul Steinberg called "View of the World from 9th Avenue." It comprises a "map" of the world from a "New Yorker's" point of view. Looking west from 9th Avenue in Manhattan is the Hudson River. Beyond that is a flat plane of land with a few vague rocky landmarks depicting the rest of the US. On the outermost edge is New Jersey (from which many NYC workers commute). Also shown are Chicago, Kansas City, Utah, Las Vegas, and Texas. To the left of this is Mexico; to the right is Canada. Then comes the Pacific and beyond that, in the far distance, are a few little lumps of land representing China, Japan, and Russia.

Though New Yorkers may like to view themselves as "worldly" and culturally savvy, the truth is that many residents--especially those in Manhattan--are quite parochial. Aside from the xenophobic notion that New York City is a world unto itself, beyond which lies virtually nothing, many New Yorkers see their own little neighborhood in this fashion. For example, those who live downtown love to say with derisive pride that they never venture above 14th Street. And indeed, each square block is unique in this city. But as far as "snob" appeal, at this point in the city's history, as long as you live in Manhattan, you are at the top of the world.

There is another New Yorker cover of more recent vintage--March 7, 2005 to be exact--that expresses this sentiment exactly. Called "Unaffordable Paradise" by Marcellus Hall, it depicts a nude "Adam" and "Eve" slouching across one of the city's numerous bridges leading out of Manhattan. On the left bank is a mini-Manhattan skyline, bathed in light. Across the river is a dark forboding hinterland. The hand of God is pointing down from the sky toward the outer borough, commanding Adam and Eve to banish themselves to a neighborhood they can afford. Adam and Eve, recoiling in shame, horror, and sorrow at their plight, reluctantly proceed across the river to the darkness beyond.

A prime time version of this horrible plight is familiar to all Sex and the City fans who witnessed Miranda Hobbes' relunctant exodus from Manhattan to Brooklyn. The reason? In a word, adulthood--in the guise of marriage, baby, and mother in law--which translated into the classic "more space" versus "better" location dilemma.

The sharp division between Manhattan and--well--everywhere else is expressed quite clearly by the fact that when New Yorkers say "the city" they mean Manhattan. And if Manhattanites are divided into little neighborhood camps, the same goes double for those in New York City's "outer boroughs" (Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx, and Staten Island) and surrounding suburbs. When I'm hanging out with BG in the Bronx, if we want to venture into Manhattan (about a 30 minute ride to midtown) we say we're going to "the City." Similarly, when my ex-boyfriend L and I would visit his relatives on Long Island--perhaps a 50 minute train ride away--everyone there would invariably ask "How's the city?" as if we'd just traveled in from a foreign country.

Although it was nice to visit suburbia for family get-togethers, L and I always breathed a huge sigh of relief when, having said our goodbyes, we boarded the Long Island Rail Road back to Manhattan. Forty-odd minutes later, we'd glimpse a bit of the Manhattan skyline on the train as we passed through Queens. We'd arrive at Penn Station, grab a cab, and race through the glittering nighttime city streets on our journey home.

"Home" for us was, for twelve years, the Upper East Side of Manhattan--where some of the most exclusive and coveted real estate in the country is located. Its boundaries run roughly from the East River to Fifth Avenue (which divides the east from the west side) and perhaps East 59th Street to East 96th Street. We lived in the east 80s between First and York Avenues in a fifth-floor walkup. There was nothing glam about the building itself, but the location was heavenly, except for the 15 or 20 minute walk to the subway. At that time, many young people fresh out of college came to live in the upper 80s on the east-east side. Many of the buildings were old six-story structures, and were still affordable--our rent was about $430 when we moved in in 1979, and some people paid less. It was mostly only as you got farther west, more toward Park and Fifth Avenue, bordering Central Park, that the rents got truly astronomical. However, nowadays, the same semi-dilapadated dump we lived in would likely go for three to four times what it went for then--if not more. Even in the Bronx, a comparable apartment might fetch twice that rent today.

Everything in Manhattan is on a much smaller scale than the suburbs. Our one bedroom abode was, perhaps, 300 square feet (or so L tells me--I'm terrible with that sort of thing)--a size that some realtors would now describe as "huge." As a result, wall space had to be exploited to its fullest potential. It was quite an art form to try to furnish a tiny apartment and still have room to actually walk through it. This meant one had to think vertically--high bookshelves and wall units were a must. Every square inch counted.

This liliputtan alternate universe was further reflected in the small scale of virtually everything in the neighborhood. Most Manhattan supermarkets are shockingly tiny compared to suburban ones--the aisles are too narrow to accommodate more than one cart passing through at a time, and even the shopping carts are smaller. But at such mini-supermarkets as the Food Emporium and D'Agostino's, one could have quite a remarkable shopping experience. In keeping with the demographics of the neighborhood, the shelves were well stocked with expensive "gourmet" items and top cuts of high priced meat. The accoutrements of Manhattan life were both more pricey and exclusive than anywhere else.

As young Manhattanites, we had the typical tiny "kitchen"--no more really than a very narrow little expanse which only one person could pass through at a time. It held a fridge, a sink, and a small stove, with almost no counter space. Pathetic as it was, this was vastly better than studio kitchens, which are no more than tiny areas located in the living room itself. Our "dining" area consisted of a little round cafe table with two chairs in the living room. As a result, we wound up eating out most of the time--and we were hardly alone.

Although I was born in Queens, my parents had both passed away by the time I was 15, and I'd lived with my aunt and uncle on the Lower East Side of Manhattan til I went to college on Long Island. When my ex-boyfriend and I graduated and moved to the Upper East Side, I had a bit of an inheritance, and we immediately went to work spending it and enjoying the city to the max.

In our own little neighborhood alone, there were several restaurants on every block. We soon became international gourmands as we explored Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, German, Indian, British, Mexican, French, and Italian cusines. We had several movie theaters to choose from; Barnes and Noble for books; a Gimbel's department store; a ton of bars. If we strolled about three blocks east to the river, we could walk along a lovely promenade. If we ventured west, we would hit the Metropolitan Museum and Central Park. On Sunday, we had our pick of brunch spots, or even a good old fashioned diner.

Nightlife in the 80s was incomparable in New York. Most of the music venues were downtown, so we often whisked down in a cab. I still remember one adventure with one of L's friends from work, who had moved to NY from the hinterlands (I can't recall where). One evening, we took him to the Ritz, a large downtown club. Even before MTV, NYC clubs were playing the latest music videos on big screens and monitors, interspersed with the coolest 80s music spun by the resident DJs. The Ritz was a large bi (or was it tri?) level club, with a dance floor downstairs. If you got there early, you could go upstairs and find a seat (there were bars on each floor) and watch the action below. When the place got crowded, you could look down and see the hordes dancing and writhing away all night. The bands didn't come on until well after midnight.

L's friend was completely awed by the scene. He confessed that this was exactly what he had envisioned New York to be like before he'd ever ventured here--like something out of a movie. (He was at that point living in Queens, so it was up to us "city folks" to show him around. And indeed, those from the outer boroughs or the burbs who ventured into the Manhattan clubs were always referred to derisively as "B and T's"--or bridge and tunnels, because they had to traverse them to enter the Emerald City.)

Another time an old school chum of L's who had lived on Long Island (where L was originally from) and had since moved to New Hampshire came to visit for a few days. We decided to wow him with a real Manhattan night out. We fed him pot and booze, and took him clubbing. I recall that at one point he fell out of his chair. Afterwards we went for a bite at a Polish dairy restaurant called Kiev in the East Village. All he could do was gawk at all the hipsters sporting green and purple hair. It was all, simply, too much for him.

Before I bring part 1 to an end, I wanted to expain why I have decided to write about what it means to be a New Yorker. About 14 years ago, L and I moved again--this time to a coop on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. The neighborhood was not hip back then, but I knew it well because I'd lived there with my aunt and uncle when I was in high school. I was very reluctant to move there, because at the time the Lower East Side was for the most part a cultural wasteland. We were on a waiting list to get into the coop, which at the time was still designed for middle and lower-middle class residents. When we bought the coop, it cost us all of $8,000, with no mortgage. A one-bedroom with a partial view of the river, it's about 800 square feet--a virtual palace by Manhattan standards. Maintance, which included gas and electric, cost the same or less than our rent uptown.

A few years ago, it went private, and now prices have gone up to market value. It should sell for about $425-450 grand--still quite a bargain for Manhattan, where the same space might go for at least a million elsewhere, and that's a very low estimate. Since I co-own it with L, we'll split the difference, and we should both be able to afford coops in the outer boroughs--he in Queens, and me in the Bronx, near BG.

Over the past few months, L and I have been cleaning out and selling stuff, but it has been a long haul. Part of the reason it's taking so long is that L has an enormous amount of junk--an inconceivable amount--which we've been trashing, selling, or boxing. But another reason, perhaps, that it isn't ready for market yet is that the thought of giving up my American dream, Manhattan style, is so very painful to me. The outer boroughs have started to become more fashionable, so it's no shame to live there--most people can't afford Manhattan anymore, although, ironically, in the 70s people thought you were crazy and/or hopelessly poor if you lived here. And although I should be able to purchase a bigger place (approx 1000 square feet) with two bedrooms, it is still a tough pill to swallow to realize that Manhattan will no longer be "mine."


At 5:45 PM, Blogger jane said...

That was an amazing glimpse of New York. It sounds so intriguing yet suffocating.
I've never really wanted to go there, but now, I'd like to see it in person.
Have you d/l'd google earth yet? If not, you should. We were looking at New York last night, you can make it 3-D and take the 'camera' down streets. It's a trip.

At 4:27 PM, Blogger digibrill said...

My aunt and uncle and my wife's aunt live in the city. There's nothing like it. My mother had an apartment in Queens for a little while, but I never visited. I would like to know more about the other boroughs, but just love Manhattan. I didn't even visit for the first time until 1990 or so and your glimpse of the early city is fascinating. Will come back.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I can't wait to visit manhattan someday! I can't even imagine having so many choices of things to do and places to go after living in bumfuck nowhere for this long!

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Justine said...

Melbournites are parochial, too - its sad.
Hope the new place in the leafy suburbs (?) suits you nicely.

At 8:06 AM, Blogger elvira black said...



At 8:08 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


Thanks--never thought of it as suffocating, but I see your

Wow, I did the Google earth thing after I read your comment, or the less advanced one. I couldn't get to the main one you register for because it's not compatible with Mac yet, but I'm hoping they fix that soon because it does sound way cool.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


Thanks! The city has changed in the past 15 years or so as well. Mayor Guiliani cleaned it up quite a bit. And it's completely different than the city in the 70s, when you had to be brave indeed to live here.

At 8:11 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


I think you and Manhattan would be a perfect match! Definitely!

At 8:15 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


Sad in a way, but most New Yorkers are to see it that

Well, the Bronx, like all of New York, used to be leafy (as in rural), but it's not suburban. It's--what's the word--exurban? The only leafy thing is the parks. It's mostly apt buildings, public transit is right there so you don't need a car, and it definitely has an urban gestalt. Just not as many diversions and cultural perks--nothing can put a candle to Manhattan, though the outer boroughs are becoming a fair approximation.

At 10:50 AM, Blogger jessie said...

i haven't been to new york in a while. the last time i was there we went club hopping and got blasted. we caught a cab to get back to the hotel and the driver could barely speak english. we wound up in a really bad neighborhood and the cabbie took his money and said now you get out now, hurry quick out and tore off. i don't know where we were but there was gangs everywhere and not one car for blocks. it was really bad. when we finally found a cab it wasn't for some 10 blocks at least and the driver asked us why we were in such a neighborhood and we told him our story and he took us back to the hotel free of charge.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


OMG what a horrifying story! You should have taken down the asshole's license number and reported him, I'm thinking, but that wouldn't have done you much good after the fact, I guess. Yeah, some of those cabbies are not so cool, although they're trying to improve things. It's required that they take you anywhere you say (used to be tough to get a ride from Manhattan to another borough, but now they have to). Just the same, if I'm going to the Bronx I tell them AFTER I've gotten into the cab. And yeah, it would help if they spoke English, but that seems to be a thing of the past. Sheesh!

At 3:48 AM, Blogger Walker said...

The way you discribed New York it sounds more like a country than a city.
In retrospect it is a country in population and size to some places around the world. It's full of many different nationalitiesthat have blended together to creat a unique enviroment.
I like the way you showed us New York through time and space from when you were young to where you are today.
Great post as always :)

At 4:40 AM, Blogger Danny said...

Thank you for that glimpse of New York. I was there when I was very, very small, and we were on vacation. We were headed to Canada, and all I truly remember is Niagara Falls. Damn.

At 7:30 PM, Blogger jane said...

elvira, when I said suffocating, i said it because to outsiders, the thought of so many people living in such small spaces seems very, very crowded.
There was a documentary on Sunday night (when Desperate Housewives was on tho) and I'd switch back to it during commercials. But what I did hear them talk about, I felt like I at least had an idea of where they were speaking of. Your post really gave me insight.
I hope they show that doc. again, I will watch it no matter WHAT is on t.v. :)

At 7:26 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


Thanks! Yes, that is true: there is nothing quite like New York City. It truly is a melting pot, attracting people from all over the country and the world. Tourism is way up now, and the city has become cleaner, safer, and perhaps a bit more sterile--even Disney-fied (lol), but it's still amazing.

At 7:28 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


I've never been to Niagra Falls, though I've seen some of New York State, and it's very beautiful--and a lot of it is still fairly rural. Just as Manhattan is different from the outer boroughs, New York state is a completely different animal from New York City.

At 7:32 AM, Blogger elvira black said...


Yes, I understand what you mean. New York is crowded--even more so, I think, then it used to be, because the city is "in" again, and in addition to all the residents and commuters, there are many many tourists. The subways can be packed during rush hour, too, but the trains are immensely better than they were a few decades before. I try to console myself about moving to the Bronx by reminding myself of how hard it is to maneuver down the streets of Manhattan, especially midtown during the day, but still and all I can't quite convince myself that I'll be better off--lol.

At 11:36 AM, Blogger Camino Writer said...

Hey EB,
Nice writing...I'm a native NEW YORKER from the 70's (104 St. and Lexington Ave. GHETTO!...) Loved it and always will. The center of the universe, you know!.
For all bloggers unfamiliar, here's the capper: "I'm from NEW got a %$^&ing problem with that?" Peace!

At 12:40 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

Camino Writer:

Ah, NYC in the 70s...a diffferent city then, but it's all good. Thanks for visiting..good to hear from one of my "peeps!" New York...f#@kin' fageddaboudit!

At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Neil said...

Great post. As someone from Queens, I did notice that when you mentioned the borough, you kindly linked to a map of Queens. Is that to help those in Manhattan know where it is? Nuff said.

At 4:38 PM, Blogger elvira black said...


LOL! Actually, virtually all of the folks who visit me are not from New York, so I figured I'd give some frame of reference in case anyone was curious.

Thanks for visiting--you have an awesome blog!


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