Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

A teeny tattoo tale


Witchy
Originally uploaded by Elvira Black.
Since BG's birthday (Halloween) is coming up fast, he's been itching to get a new tattoo. I've written here before about his tattoos, and I don't have much to add here, other than that his tattoos are cool, and he is cool about them--meaning, he doesn't flaunt them, and really gets them mainly for his own head.

When we were still going to AA, a certain cretin (see BG's rendition here) loved to show off his tattoos, which were cheap and dreadful. He'd come into a meeting and show anyone and everyone his newest abomination. He and his scag girlfriend were always trying to corral us into hanging out with them after the meeting, and constantly asked where we were headed. One day we made the mistake of telling them that BG was going into Manhattan to get a new tattoo.

Since, like many assholes, they were always quick to give unsolicited advice, they both exclaimed in unison: "Don't go to Manhattan! Go to Webster Avenue!" (in BG's Bronx neighborhood.) Apparently, Skank boy's bro was learning the tattoo trade and practiced on his brother--or something.

The thing is, although BG loves a bargain, there are some things that you just have to pay extra for. Tattoes, in my opinion, are one of them. They last a lifetime, after all. It's not like buying a set of bath towels or even a new TV. BG has a few top notch guys he goes to exclusively. They cost more, but they're well worth it.

In any case, when BG came to the next AA meeting and Skank boy asked to see his new tattoo, BG showed it to him and he suddenly grew very quiet. Apparently, he finally realized that BG knew a thing or two about a thing or two (funny that, considering BG is old enough to be Skank's father, just for starters). Shortly thereafter, Skankie pulled BG aside and asked his advice: "BG, do you think I should cover up this spiderweb tattoo with a dragon?" BG just shrugged. What kind of moron would cover up a dreadful tattoo with another one just as bad?

In any case, BG came back yesterday evening, very pleased with his new acquisition. He had been nervous going in, because after all, there's no refund, no exchange for this sort of thing.

But eerily enough, there was a strange little story on the local news station today that I thought was quite ironic.

Those of you who've seen the movie Spinal Tap may recall that in addition to their other problems, the band had gone through a slew of drummers over the years because they all seemed to....well...die on them. One of them expired following a "bizarre gardening accident." One can only imagine.

In any case, one of New York 1's top stories today involved a bizarre tatooing accident at an unlicensed parlor in Brooklyn. Seems a young guy had just finished getting a tattoo. He got up, passed out, and fell over into a plate glass counter. The glass cut into his throat and he died. The tattoo he took to his grave, by the way, was called "Last Rites."

Anyone else have any bizarro tales to share?

33 Comments:

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Timothy said...

That is great art work on BG tat!!! I have 3, but they are hidden unless I am wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts, which I do not while working. 2 are my drawings, the other, my 1st, well, it sucks and I want it redone. I have some drawings of 2 others I want to get, but it is hard to find a good artist who does not have an ego problem with doing someone else’s drawings. I do not mind some much having them put some of themselves into the art, but I also want it to be special, like getting it in NYC or something. As you say, they are for a life time. At one point, about 15 years ago, I wanted to be a tattoo artist, but the cost of the equipment back then was insane. I was unemployed and could barley cover rent, so I just dropped it. Now, I know the equipment is easy to find and much cheaper.

I worked in a cemetery for 2 years and heard some interesting death stories, but nothing like that one. I read an article in our local newspaper about 20 years ago that a guy who was shooting-up coke into his urinary tract. He said it made him last longer. He got gangrene from an infection. They had to amputate.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Timothy said...

Looked at your other blog photo of BG’s tat. Very good art work! Looks like “Eddie” of Iron Maiden fame.

 
At 3:54 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

christ, that is bizarre! definitely agree on paying top dollar for a good tattoo. I'm not extremely happy with my first tattoo - the one around my ankle. Of course, I was 18 and didn't know any better....

isn't that always the case? ;)

 
At 2:48 AM, Blogger jane said...

I totally agree about the tats. They'd better be damn good cuz they are with ya forever. I have 3 little ones, all handmade back in the 70s. They all suck!
My daughter has 2 really nice ones, beautiful actually and 1 that's ummm not too well done. People who go for the cheaper tattoo are going to get just that, the cheap junky one.
BG has good taste & smart sense!

 
At 5:09 AM, Blogger surly girl said...

i read that about the tattoo death just after i had mine done!! it was #6 and i love every one of them (also had some cover-up work finished on an old one i wasn't too happy with).

i'm with bg - you stick with the good guys you know even if you pay more for it. it's pretty well permanent after all - i know someone with an indian chief with six fingers tattooed on his back....

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger artdetective said...

The only tattoo story I have is about my sister. She got a tattoo on her ankle in high school but never told my mom, because she assumed (rightly) that she'd flip out. This had been preceded by at least one secret trip to the tattoo parlor with me, after which I had to come up with some sort of alibi for us. Anyway, she got the tattoo, the weather got warm, and my sister was still walking around wearing wool socks pulled up over her ankles. Anything to cover it up. My mom never noticed (or chose not to?). That summer, my sister went far, far away on an archaeology dig and sent home a postcard: "Dear mom, I got a tattoo..."

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Nikky Egland said...

WHOA, what a tatragedy! I only have one tattoo, alas, but I will be posting it on both my blog and myspace here by the end of this week

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger jessie said...

i have one micky mouse on my ankle. the idea was to have my favorite disney characters done in a circle all the way around but i decided not to. i have been thinking about getting a hummingbird one, small, maybe on my hand in the space between my thumb and pointer finger, or on my wrist with a vining flower like a bracelet. haven't decided. still haven't found a good pic of what i have in mind.

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger Leslie said...

I got a henna tattoo (which rocked) but that's about as far as I'll go! Too chicken for anything more. =)

 
At 12:44 AM, Blogger Walker said...

I'm with BG. My tattoos were done by one of the best in the world. Do I want a wanna be to fuck up my skin NOT!!!!!!!
I am iching for a new one soon but haven't gotten my head around what I want.
What ever it will be I know its gonna be custom and some fuck head will not have one like it.
I will not go into my rendition of why I got mine but I know they should be as individual as the person wearing them.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

Wow, on that last story!

"there are some things that you just have to pay extra for." GREAT POINT on tattoos and about the refund policy. (smiling)

Interesting picture though...I have never seen one look like that before... wondering if it is one of kind. WOW!

Take care....

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Eddie said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog over the weekend.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Jillian said...

I love the Ink!!!

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger jane said...

elvira, i came by to visit & you haven't updated your blog. where are you? i miss you! i hope all is okay.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'll come back to these, but right now I'm freaking because I've attempted to publish a new post and Blogger is not cooperating. Just another Blogger nightmare....

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Timothy:

Getting a tattoo based on your own artwork is way cool! I know what you mean about the ego problem. The artists BG goes to sometimes don't do exactly what he wants--sometimes they do it better, but not always. That cemetery tale--oh, the irony! That's what you call greedy--it came back and bit him in the ass or...well...

Thanks for the comp on BG's other tattoo. I think it's one of the best he's gotten. That was the one, btw, that finally made Skag Boy shut his trap.

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Webmiztris:

If truth be told, I'm not crazy about a few of BG's old tattoos. He also did some himself when he was really young using a pen (yeah, I know). He just got one of those covered up with his new one--they did a great job, but it was very small and faded.

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Jane:

I think the technology has come a long long way in recent years. It was harder to get good work back in the day--for one thing, no multicolored tattoos.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

An Indian chief with six fingers, on his back...hmmm...

BG keeps talking about a back piece, but I think it's kind of a waste. You can't even see the thing, and neither can anyone else unless he goes to the steam room. Not that he goes around in tank tops normally, but still. I've advised him to finish his sleeves first--he's still got skin left to cover there. Glad you like your new and old tats--I know BG is always exhilerated after he gets his latest one.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Surly Girl:

That last comment was meant for you..sorry...

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

artdetective:

LOL--well at least she won't have to wear the socks anymore. There's nothing your mom can do about it now anyway.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Nikky:

Tatragedy...good one! Look forward to seeing yours.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Jessie:

Although I don't have any myself, it seems prudent to wait until you're sure what you're gonna get is perfect. Though some artists can draw up something better than anything than you might find in the books or the "flash" on the walls.

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Leslie:

Henna tattoos are so beautiful, but I've never even had one of those. A lot less painful too! But I leave all the drama to BG---he's an, um, colorful sort of guy.

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Walker:

Yes, I agree--getting a generic tat is kind of dull esp for adventurous types. A lot of times BG will see some cool work in a tatt mag and bring it in, but the guy he uses always does it in his own style so that it's pretty unique.

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Suzie:

BG's tat was done by an amazing artist who also paints and does graphic novels, etc., went to art school, the whole bit. BG brought in a picture of a witch but the guy did it his own way and it is quite a work of art. He's one of the best there is, in my opinion.

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Eddie:

Thanks for stopping by...somehow I doubt you've got tats, but you never know...lol...

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Jill:

Thanks...yeah the colors are amazing, aren't they?

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Jane:

That's so sweet of you...yeah, I was trying to do some coop cleanup this past week, so I fell behind on the blogging, but here I am!

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Justine said...

Attractive leg - I don't mean to perve :-)

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

Justine:

LOL!!! Actually, that's BG's bicep. He keeps himself pumped up--always lifting weights. Til I met him, I'd never gone out with a tattooed schizo with more earrings than me and bulging biceps before--took me 40 years to find him, and he's a keeper.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Justine said...

Oh - so that's UNDER-ARM HAIR, then!

:-)

 
At 8:24 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Justine:

LOL--if that were hair behind his knee, I'd have advised him to shave it...

 

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