Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Prelude to a real blog post

As some of you know, my postings for lo these many months have been few and far between. I can blame this chiefly on my bipolar disorder (how convenient!) because when I get depressed or even semi-depressed the first thing that goes out the window is my writing. This time, it wasn't a psychotic depression complete with hospitalizations and shock treatments, but more of a twilight zone of apathy and listlessness.

Three things happened recently that give me hope that the hiatus may be over: I started to get out more, I began the process of selling my coop, and my shrink upped my Effexor. Gradually, things that I used to dread doing have become easier. I was forced to be proactive as far as prepping the coop is concerned, and developed an obsession with real estate blogs and sites which are tracking the crazy market we are in now. And I think the extra touch of Effexor may be helping, though I had to lower the new dose two times since it is causing dry eyes and blurry vision.

I used to love to add a photo to each of my posts, but Flickr is not letting me do that now for some odd reason, so my posts will be pretty naked until I figure out how to fix the problem. I've also noticed that a fair number of recent commenters have been folks with something to sell on their blogs. However, unlike traditional spammers, they actually read the blog and make intelligent comments. I think this is cool--if I had a blog like that I would do the same.

I've had a bunch of ideas that I've jotted down in my beat-up notebook during my down period, so I will most likely be blogging about such things as NYC's subway beggars, how I've learned how to get out of the way of my own ego when it comes to writing and recognition, and of course my adventures in real estate.

I've met some incredible people since I began blogging, and it has served to renew my faith in humankind. A few days ago, I had the great pleasure of coming across one of the true superstars of the blogosphere--fellow New York Jew/baby-boomer Pia Savage of Courting Destiny. If you haven't heard of her I encourage you to check her out. She is one of the top rated bloggers and for good reason.

For any art lovers out there, I also want to give a shout-out to my good blogpal BC. Her paintings are awesome and well worth a look. As far as my boyfriend BG's stuff, which I've sometimes highlighted on these pages, I've just started a Flickr page for him as well, but have to flesh it out some. These two artists couldn't be more different--BC specializes mainly in gorgeous abstracts and nature-based compositions, while BG is a representational expressionist--meaning that the subjects of all his portraits look suicidal, pissed off, and/or insane.

Since I've also been sadly remiss in visiting my old blogpals' sites, I hope to start catching up soon. It's disheartening to note that some sites are no more--some have even been highjacked by spamblogs. I need to update my blogroll, as some folks have changed their URL and there are others I should add.

In any case, with any luck I'll start posting more regularly, for what it's worth.


At 5:41 PM, Blogger Timothy said...

One of the things I stop doing during my down time is playing my guitars and stop drawing, the 2 things that help me get out of it teh most. I just take lots of naps, long naps. I was down for a while and stopped bloging as well feeling I was just whining and complaining. My guitars have a thick layer of dust and I have tons of ideas for art pieces cluttering my head. Glad to see you back on because your blogs are great!

At 10:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thank you so much for the sweet and supportive words (and the link!)--you are too generous!
Thank you for giving a much needed boost to this old cyberfriend-

Anyway, I know of what ya'll speak.

Timothy also mentioned something that is very relevant to what I have been expereincing lately--when I get depressed I tend to whine and complain a lot-to focus on the negative. This causes me to dislike myself very much-which only adds to the depressive cycle. Its no wonder I have a tendency to isolate and insolate myself from the world when I feel shitty, just like so many of us do.

I dont even listen to music when I feel espechially bad. I use it as a barametor of sorts to gauge my mood. And making art--well, thats like pulling teeth!

For me, not making art is like committing suicide emotionally and mentally. I need to do it in order to survive. It is not something I choose to do. It is as essential to my well being as food is to my body.
When one feels unable to feed oneself.. its like suffering from anorexia- potentially deadly.

Anyway, today marks the beginning of the beginning--E. its so good to hear that your regaining the urge to start posting again. Your writing is always so relevant, intelligent and intimate and it brings me so much pleasure to read it.
Have some fun, you deserve it!

Heres to a new day for everyone--
Love You, GF!

Im going to have to post this under anonymous-because I have forgotten my blogger password-its been so long.

At 8:19 PM, Anonymous pia said...

That was so sweet. Thank you :-)

Before I had my unusable photo blog designed, long story, I tried everything
Photobucket is good

Was reading a blog on how to make money blogging. Talked about how good it is for seniors. Only I do think he meant us.

if they gave me senior rates at the AMC 68th Street, I might begin to identify with the word "senior."

At 8:57 PM, Blogger Timothy said...

I hope to find out some day soon who this “anonymous” person is on here who made these comments. WOW! For a moment, I was questioning if I was reading my own comments, something I had written. This person sounds a lot like me. I would love to visit their site and do some reading about myself, I mean them. Anyway, I hope you are crawling out of your funk. I seem to be going the other way and getting more depressed. On the 28th, I will be making a trip back to Jamaica for New Year's Eve in Negril. Hopefully that will help pull me out.

At 4:28 PM, Anonymous pia said...

When you're ready to post again let me know so I can do a proper intro :-)

I'm totally depressed today--not for the same reasons. Basically I hate December--not just because of the holidays but because it's take stock of your life time, and what have you accomplished

At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Timothy thanks for relating. Its always good to know there are others out there who share your struggles and thoughts, isnt it? I find my exchanges with others in cyber-land so nourishing and uplifting. Even though they are, at times, very brief and infrequent.

Alas no, I do not have an active blog. I tried it for a time but found that was not for me. Some people can write well about various topics in a relevant, profesional and entertaining way (like E) But Im not so good at it most times.

It usually ends up sounding bitchy or trite or too personal. I journal alot instead. - I guess Im kinda a private person and a bit of an miserable one at that. ha.

But writing, of course, is an art, and it takes a lot of time and committment, espechially if youre kinda perfectionistic like me, so I choose to stick mostly to
the visual stuff. I let it speak for itself. It reveals a lot about me as a person, and its how I choose to communicate more often than not.

Pia, I am in the same boat with ya> December is a bitch, huh? Ontop of all that, my birthday is in December too, right before Xmas. Talk about taking stock!

Anyway, it's very good to meet yall ...take good care of yourselves, because you're worth it!

Peace be unto you all!

At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its having you back no matter what you post.
Sometimes its just enough knowing you're ok but I do enjoy your posts, views and thoughts when you put them down for us.
Hope to see more of you. :)

At 3:39 AM, Blogger !ce said...

Welcome back, fellow goddess.


Post a Comment

<< Home