Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The one where Elvira lets it alllll hang out

Early this morning, BG, my boyfriend of seven years, threw me out of his Bronx apartment. Luckily for me, I have my own place in downtown Manhattan--well, half my place, since I share it with my ex-boyfriend--so I had somewhere to go.

But it's not a permanent solution, since L (my ex) and I are in the process of getting the coop ready to sell so we can each buy a place of our own. And thanks to L, my beloved apartment is now a shithole fit only for an animal to live in--and that's actually an insult to animals everywhere.

In any case, you may wonder how it came to pass that at 3 am this morning, BG awoke from his troubled, drunken sleep, stumbled into the living room, and began roaring at me to get out. Never one for subtleties, BG underscored his message by attacking me with a bag of cheese puffs (don't laugh--you had to be there). It quickly escalated to him throwing a (cold) cup of 12-bean soup all over me and spitting on me a couple dozen times. If there's one thing BG is, over and above all else, it's dramatic.

What would drive him to such extremes? Well, I guess it's a combo of his mental and emotional illnesses, and the fact that he drank to excess last evening. As so often happens when he indulges, he's not happy until he gets so crocked that he can't stand up straight. Last night's antics ended in a crescendo of broken glass, when he fell backward into a full length mirror in the bedroom and shattered it to pieces. Nice, eh? At least this time he didn't fall onto his weights and break his coccyx bone, as he did a few years back.

Though I assure you that I did not do anything to deserve quite such shabby treatment, I can't say that I'm perfect by any means. Probably one of the most immediate problems BG and I have had over the past year is the fact that he quit AA and I have became an internet addict. We used to do a lot of things together--now we only party together. Other than that, our relationship seems to have devolved to the point of living separate lives in separate rooms.

In any case, as BG wandered in and out, raging and even sobbing, cajoling me to get out NOW, I quickly showered and tried to collect my thoughts as well as the bare-bones belongings I would need. But it was a hazardous endeavor. I'd just gone through heaven and hell two days before to procure some very nice weed that BG now had stored in his little cubby closet, and while he was in the other room I quickly grabbed it and packed it. I had every right to, since I'd bought it with my own money. My quick thinking paid off when shortly afterward, BG went looking for it--apparently intending to flush it down the toilet. (Can you say "boundary issues?") So he had to be content with trashing his inferior stuff instead.

Next, I tried to put together a little "desert-island" mini collection of CD's (mine, not his) to take with me. When he wandered in again, he threw them down and started to stomp on them. I managed to save them, but most of the covers are now smashed.

As the piece de resistance, he demanded his keys back. I had no intention of giving them up at this point, since I have some important papers stored at this place, and a few other odds and ends I might like to hang onto. So I gathered my two giant shopping bags, went downstairs, and grabbed a cab to Manhattan. It was then about 5:30 am, and when I arrived at my coop dawn was just beginning to break.

I endured a kind of dress rehearsal for this day last week, when BG pulled a similar stunt and I stayed downtown overnight. We called a truce, I guess, but whatever demons haunt him are still doing a sorry jig inside his head. But today, I'm more mentally and emotionally prepared for the very real possibility that this, my second long-term relationship, is finally over.

So the question is, what do I do now? Well, I have a few options--and options are always a nice luxury to have. I can continue to get the coop prepped for sale, and then maybe try to get myself a little place in Queens while I still have a snowball's chance in hell of grabbing something I can afford. It's a buyer's market right now--though of course that means we'll have a tougher time unloading the Manhattan place too.

Or I could take a break and go travelling. Thing is, though, I really shouldn't let the coop sale get put on the back burner, unless I think I might actually want to live somewhere else altogether.

The third option would be to just get this place cleaned up and take up residence with L again on a "roomates only" basis. I love this coop with all my heart, and I'm heartbroken at the thought of selling it. But as I mentioned before, L has turned it into a putrid hellhole. And since I broke up with him seven years ago, wouldn't it be going backward to live with L again? As it is, I lived with the man for twenty years--isn't two decades of angst long enough?

For the time being, the first option--hanging here and preparing to sell--seems like the logical thing to do.

That's it for now--I'll probably post more at some point. Any suggestions, my friends?


At 11:40 AM, Blogger !ce said...

My advice on this is pretty simple. See whether you can buy L out. Also, call the police and have them accompany you back to BG's to collect the rest of your belongings.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger fugusashi said...

I've no advice, but I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. Keep us updated.


At 12:50 PM, Blogger GreatSheElephant said...

what ice said

very sorry to hear about such a traumatic situation

(occasional lurker)

At 1:35 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

Ice, Paula, Greatsheelephant:

Thanks for your supportive words. Ice, that buyout option has been suggested to me many times, but I just don't have that kind of money. Though I suppose....maybe I could swing it?..something to think about.

I think once BG calms down, I'll have no trouble collecting my remaining things.

Many thanks, guys...

At 9:26 PM, Blogger Walker said...

Suggestions hmmmmmmm
Hows this?
Wait for BG to get drunk again.
Get some latex gloves.
Shoot L.
Go to BG and leave gun there.
Both problems solved and you get the coop for yourself.
Ok bullshit aside.
Get your shit together.
Sell the coop say fuck you to both of them and get on with your life.
I have had some messy break ups and was sabbed by my crazy ex but man did I love life when she was gone.
No one needs to be physically abused and being drunk is not and excuse.
I have always believed that if you want to know how a person rally is then get him drunk and see the real person inside.
I hope everything works out for you andyou could get your life on a track that is Elvira friendly.
Take care.
BTW that was a perfectly good suggestion.

At 11:34 PM, Blogger dan said...

You are really asking the wrong guy about living arrangements... ;)

I'm wishing you well with all I have. The best thing to do will smack you in the forhead when you see it.

At 1:03 AM, Blogger Justine said...

what the others said.

hang in there.

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Swifty said...

Drink! The Golden Nectar! I have experience here.

Life is full of ironies and nothing exemplifies this more than booze. It's attraction is the immediate effect it has on our sense of well-being, for the first drink at least, and possibly the second. But beyond that, well-being metamorphoses into super-being. We can sing, we can dance, and we are compelled to voice, usually loudly, our delight in our new found joie do vivre. And of course, let's not forget our newfound attractiveness to the oppostite sex! This is the upside.

I knew a chap who after 2 pints of moderate-strength beer would test himself by picking a fight on whoever was in the vicinity - he was of diminutive stature so I concluded the booze magnified his insecurities and inadequacies. But he's not alone, and neither is it the sole province of males.

A member of my family - who shall remain nameless - in her younger days, habitually (or so I remember) spent her nights-out with the girls in alcohol-induced bouts of self-pity, locked in toilet cubicles, bemoaning her unlovedness.

These are examples of allegedly "normal" people. How much more devastating are its effects on persons with chronic emotional instability?

Your writing, although delivered in a matter-of-fact manner, belies, I suspect, the traumatic reality. You have my sympathy.

We really ought to leave the stuff alone.

Big confession: I laughed at the thought of the attack with a bag of cheese puffs. Sorry. It could have been worse though; had he been really worked up you might have been on the wrong end of a wet lettuce leaf. Whipped with vigour across the buttocks, this can be painful.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger e.e. said...

oh, Elvira

No real advice, just 100% support.
And a definite YES to what ICE said... get the police to go with you to get your stuff, if you can.
And start over.
And be strong.


At 1:09 PM, Blogger farmangel said...

Long time silent reader here. All I can say is I wish you good luck. Maybe there can be a resolution?

At 2:11 PM, Blogger k o w said...

Travel while you can. The coop will take care of itself.

At 3:18 PM, Blogger artdetective said...


So very, very sorry. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like a horrible situation. For what it's worth, all your readers love and support you.

At 3:38 PM, Blogger Amber said...

Hey, Elvira. Wow, I haven't been by for awhile. Sorry to find this when I do come by. :-(

You know, my ex was (still is) an alcoholic. I went to Al-Anon for a while, hoping to figure out the key to how to live with one.

There isn't any. I just ended up getting out.

Glad you're getting out. Do what you need to do and stay strong; you're doing the right thing. It's OVER. No matter what he says.

Stay strong. Stay strong....


At 8:17 PM, Blogger Leesa said...

Walker couldn't have said it any better in my opinion.
I've dealt with alcholics my whole life and I do believe that they speak their true feelings when they are trashed.
Good luck :)

At 8:18 AM, Blogger The Blind-Winger Jones said...

Sorry to hear all that :-(
If things are abusive you need to draw a line under things and move on. My advice would be to do some travelling - come to Europe for a while, see what happens.

What ever you decide you have my best wishes - remember to keep us all updated !

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Brink Craven said...

E--Im really sorry youre going through all this shit-we love ya sweetie.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger jessie said...

ice is right, it's the best way to handle the situation. i understand how difficult it is to go through but the sooner the better and you can move on. the longer you wait the more you're prolonging your pain.

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Neil said...

Don't go backwards. That's for sure. Sorry for all this turmoil in your life.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger Leslie said...

Hm, let me think...

First of all, I DID laugh at the part about BG attacking you with a bag of cheesepuffs, and even though I DO wish I was there, I still apologize. Friends should not laugh at such things. (Maybe just a chuckle?)

Second, I think you are being incredibly strong and rational. Not a lot of people could endure what you did and still have the mental capacity to pack your things without kicking his ass and calling the cops. Good for you for siding with reason.

Third, I DO think that a vacation might be in order, but you wouldn't want to come home to chaos. In that case, it's best to build at least a temporary, livable, workable home
in NYC before you go.

Fourth, your decision to live with L is entirely up to you, and I don't think either way is necessarily better than the other. It just depends on how you feel about it. You have to weigh your feelings against reality.

Elvira, you are one amazing woman. You've toughed out a lot of stuff. You can tough this one out too.

P.S. I think this brings a whole new meaning to your name "shithouse rat".

At 1:16 AM, Blogger mrshellonheels said...

I have no advice. Only to let you know that I care.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger elvira black said...

Wow! Thanks so much, you guys, for the kind words and support. I'll follow up soon.

At 3:03 PM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

wow, that sounds like quite the frightening night. is BG on meds? obviously he should be, but does he take them?

i wish you the best. keep us updated.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger jane said...

Damn, that's really messed up. I think you should just relax for a few days before making any decisions. I do know I sold my condo that I loved & sincerely regret it now. Not to mention that it's tripled in value as well.
I'm so sorry he's treated you this way, please take care of yourself.

At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Blackie'

I just read your horrible story. I'm so ashamed of being a BB right now. I hope you are O.K. BG was way out of line,for sure.

You call me at my house, and/or em my asap. You can come out and stay with S and me for awhile, if you like. NO CHARGE!

I have no advice, other than sell your M place and get yourself something you can afford. If you don't want to buy right now, at least come out and visit us for a time. You can regroup in the Ohio countryside with free room and board, if you want. I hope you like dogs and cats-they will (our pets)want to come and visit you on the guest bedroom/bath side of the house. They are very friendly.

You are just like a sister to me, and want you to know you are more than welcome to come stay with us.

Call the police and have them escort you back to BG's place to get the rest of your things. DO NOT MOVE BACK IN WITH HIM!

Let me know what you plan on doing, no matter what. Let me know if I can help in any way.


At 12:11 AM, Blogger digibrill said...

I think you are a really good person to not attack BG personally and to recognize his problems, a bigger person than I would have been. Get your papers and pray for a good spot. You'll get one. Peace and grace on you.

At 5:22 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It's so good to know I have real friends here who care about me when the chips are down. I hope you know I feel the same about you guys too.

BLLB, you are truly the brother I never had. Thank you so much.


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