Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Friday, December 22, 2006

My hubby Herman

Coming of age in the '70s, I always strived to be boho. At college I was the belated hippie chick while some others favored the Farrah Faucet Do or the Saturday Night Fever thing going on. Some loved disco; I eschewed it in favor of Phil Manzanera, Led Zep, Fripp, Eno, blah blah blah.

As a result of my iconoclastic ways, I didn't really want to get married and have kids. Not because I didn't want a lifetime relationship, but the paper and the vows seemed meaningless to me; the ceremony cliched and contrived; the wedding reception tacky and gauche. All in all, it seemed like a jinx.

And I knew, even before I knew I was really crazy, that just as I never dared take acid, not even once, I couldn't handle children. Besides, I had a bad childhood and don't trust kids much.

I was with L for 20 years; I've been with BG (though living with L) for eight. No need to marry that I can see--though L and I co-own the coop, which means we split the proceeds from our upcoming sale. .

But back to me and BG. Both of us are blantant cheaters. BG's reat "wife" is his black Halloween spoiled pricess of a cat. Mine is Herman, my Apple Powerbook.

Herman has seduced me away from BG time and again. There is a whole Universe of Herman BG hasn't a clue about, technophobe that he is. Ours is a discreet and civilized affair, though, totally open and above-board.

In any case, there's lots I could say about Herman, but this will have to do for now:

Herman and I have a real relationship, complete with power struggles and expectations.

I am like the spoiled girlfriend who is used to her guy doing her bidding in the blink of an eye. Herman gets exhausted from trying to please 24/7 and develops a glitch or two every now and again. This throws spoiled ungratgeful bitch into a tailspin,first cursing boy-toy's ass, then groveling at his feet begging him to give it up again.

Sometimes Herman is like a powerful, addictive drug. I can let my life pass by, the seasons melt away one by one, with hardly an upward glance away from him. Sometimes the stimulation is too much, and I have to shut him down for awhile.

Just thought I'd share that. Anyone else with a cyber ball and chain?

2 Comments:

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

Anyone else with a cyber ball and chain?

Yep.

 
At 1:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

mines called Ethel - i find her very enticing

 

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