Shithouse rat

I'm a bipolar writer in the Naked City. I'm not playing with a full deck. I don't have all my dots on the dice. My cheese is sliding off my cracker. I don't have both oars in the water. I'm a bubble off plum. In other words, I'm crazier than a shithouse rat. These are my stories. Comments--short or long, nasty or nice--always welcome!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

There's got to be a morning after...

Originally uploaded by NYC Guy.
Well, after all that hubbub and all your kindness and concern, I'm embarassed to say that, yes, I did return to BG's abode after spending one night downtown with L at my place.

Yeah, typical "battered wife syndrome," right? (Not that I was physically battered--hard to break bones with cheese doodles and cold soup). However, BG's brother BLLB was so alarmed after reading my post that he urged me in no uncertain terms not to go back to BG, and not to pick up the rest of my things without a police escort. (He commented as much here). He kindly and generously offered me a place to stay while I sorted out my life and my next step.

Well, BG called the day after I left, apologized, and cajoled me into coming back to his place.

I must admit, though, that my time downtown was as relaxing as it was gross-out inducing. Because L is such a slob, I didn't find myself subjected to harassment and nagging if I didn't immediately empty my ashtray or sweep stray crumbs from the floor. It was rather fun to sit around a bit and talk to L, listen to a little of the new satellite Stern show he'd subscribed to, order up real Chinatown Chinese, have a joint and a beer whenever I pleased, and generally just chill.

But the place is so filthy and vile--and so overheated--not to mention smelly--that it's just suffocating to stay there after awhile. But I sure do love that neighborhood and coop. So sad that I can't keep it (sniffle). Poor me, huh?

For those who don't know, BTW, L (my ex boyfriend) and I are in the process of getting our downtown coop ready to sell so that we can each get separate places and I can escape from BG and vice versa when it all gets to be "too much." Meanwhile, after losing his job and getting into horrible debt from his spending addictions, L was also recently diagnosed with myotonic? dystrophy, which is similar to muscuular dystrophy. He is on disability now for depression, but doubtless could get it just for the dystrophy alone, which is already affecting his manual dexterity, muscle strength, etc.

Anyway, I feel like now I have a better bargaining chip for being treated with a little more respect from BG, if I stick to my guns and don't let myself get bullied around. Yes, from the outside it sounds like your typical rationalization. But like most couples who've been together for a number of years, we do bicker. Most of the time it's half tongue in cheek. BG pretends he wants me out, then complains if I do take a break from him. He wants it, in other words, both ways. Typical borderline personality disorder behavior.

More dirt? Well, in the spirit of in for a penny, in for a pound, here's excerpts from my two e-mails to BLLB about the situation.



Many thanks for your kind and generous offer!

Well, the fact of the matter is that I'm back with BG. He called me the day after and I came back. It's pretty nasty downtown anyway (lol). But I think from now on I have a better bargaining chip for being treated with a bit more respect. I have to stand up for myself too. And if he can't handle it, I will just have to leave. I've had time to get used to the idea.

But I can't see it coming to that at this point, though it's now in the back of my mind as a "backup plan." BG has been under strain and he seems better now. Being together in this tiny apartment is nerve wracking for both of us...(snip snip).

Nevertheless, BG is probably going to come help me clean and pack the rest [Note: I'm not as sure about this now], and he finally seems to understand that L [my ex-boyfriend] does not hate him, wish him harm, or have romantic designs on me.

L is emotionally and physically disabled from his dystrophy condition, which will probably shorten his life and quite possibly cripple him at some point, leaving him confined to a wheelchair. I think BG finally sees the gravity of this, and why I feel concern for L's welfare even as I try to move things along.

L genuinely needs my help for anything requiring manual dexterity. His upper body strength is also weak, so he can't lift much. Thus one of the reasons this has dragged out for so long--he can't or won't do much on his own.

This illness also has an effect on the personality. Victims typically become flattened and apathetic in their emotional range, and start to neglect self-care and housekeeping more and more. There's even a facial characteristic that develops, which he's had the beginnings of for some time.

BG's current symptoms and behavior would take a separate, longer e-mail to describe.

So anyway, BLLB, I do so appreciate your offer. It's great to know that you guys are there if I need it. I will keep you posted, and always love to hear from you. Please let me know how you and the clan are doing.

Sistah E

OK, so I lied. I think I'll save the info in the second e-mail for a subsequent post. It occurs to me also that I have not explained for awhile what L's condition is, so I may do this later. The second e-mail deals more with BG's behavior and "symptoms." I'll post again soon.

Thanks again, my friends, for your kind comments and support.


At 4:38 AM, Blogger Walker said...

While you are having a momentary brain cell fubar sit back and let me point out something to you.
At the moment you have a place to escape to when BG pelts you with cheese puffs and tosses you out in the whee hours of the morning but when the co op gets sold, you loose your backup plan.
I have been in a relationship with someone who was an alcoholic and put me through hell and one of the places we lived in was in her name and she tossed me out the same way and I had no place to go at the time.
Not fun.
After being told that she was sorry,I returned only for it to happen again down the road and was stabbed that time in the stomach.
I got a place of my own after that.
I'm not saying BG isn' sincere and remoresful because I truly believe he is but if it happened once, it will happen again.
Another thing even though he didnt hit you, he still was violent with you and that may escalate in another incident.

At 5:08 AM, Blogger elvira black said...

Thank you, my friend.

Firstly, I must admit that I am way behind in my visits to my blog pals. I'm trying to catch up little by little. I hope that you and Lisa are having a wonderful time together in NZ, and I'll be over to your blog soon to see what you've been up to firsthand.

Secondly, the plan, ideally, is for me to purchase a new coop asap after selling this one. Though I don't have complete control over this, getting to that step will be a vast relief to all concerned.

I have yet to post my second e-mail to BLLB here, but let me just say that although BG and I have had our problems, I think underneath it all we have managed to care for each other in the true "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" kind of way. Last time I was in the hospital for six weeks, for example BG visited virtually all day, every day. That makes up a lot toward those late night cheese doodle attacks.

More later--and I'll come visit you shortly. Thanks so much, W!

At 7:34 PM, Blogger Maggs said...

You are one seriously strong woman, you know that?

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Justine said...

Its sounds like you're thinking that yes, it could happen again (ie he will flip out at you), but that's just part of the deal?

*safe, happy vibes at you*

At 11:41 PM, Blogger digibrill said...

I pray you make the right decisions and get to sell your place soon. Just be careful.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger !ce said...

It's understandable. For instance, for whatever reason that I don't understand, my friend says that he doesn't feel psychologically abused by me. I think I'll buy flowers.

At 6:31 PM, Blogger artdetective said...

Only you and BG know what your relationship is like. No one can really tell you how to make your decisions -- only you know that. But don't let yourself be bullied. (People will only bully you if you let them, right? This is a lesson I'm trying to learn for myself.) Hope you're well.

At 10:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Blackie,

Good to know that things have improved over the past several days. On the surface, it sounds as if everyhing will work.

I hope you continue to move forward with selling your place and find a new place that is more suitable for your needs.

You noticed I said, "on the surface", meaning I'm still somewhat concerned of how BG is treting you now. I hope he has seen the "error of his ways".

Even though he's my big brother, I just can't stand it when he pulls that stunt of foolish misbehavior. I'll fill you in later on some of his old antics which seem to have been repeating themselves every once in a while.

Anyway, keep me posted on the latest scoop on your pad being sold on the market. I hope L can find his way in the future too.



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