There's got to be a morning after...
hubbub and all your kindness and concern, I'm embarassed to say that, yes, I did return to BG's abode after spending one night downtown with L at my place.
Yeah, typical "battered wife syndrome," right? (Not that I was physically battered--hard to break bones with cheese doodles and cold soup). However, BG's brother BLLB was so alarmed after reading my post that he urged me in no uncertain terms not to go back to BG, and not to pick up the rest of my things without a police escort. (He commented as much here). He kindly and generously offered me a place to stay while I sorted out my life and my next step.
Well, BG called the day after I left, apologized, and cajoled me into coming back to his place.
I must admit, though, that my time downtown was as relaxing as it was gross-out inducing. Because L is such a slob, I didn't find myself subjected to harassment and nagging if I didn't immediately empty my ashtray or sweep stray crumbs from the floor. It was rather fun to sit around a bit and talk to L, listen to a little of the new satellite Stern show he'd subscribed to, order up real Chinatown Chinese, have a joint and a beer whenever I pleased, and generally just chill.
But the place is so filthy and vile--and so overheated--not to mention smelly--that it's just suffocating to stay there after awhile. But I sure do love that neighborhood and coop. So sad that I can't keep it (sniffle). Poor me, huh?
For those who don't know, BTW, L (my ex boyfriend) and I are in the process of getting our downtown coop ready to sell so that we can each get separate places and I can escape from BG and vice versa when it all gets to be "too much." Meanwhile, after losing his job and getting into horrible debt from his spending addictions, L was also recently diagnosed with myotonic? dystrophy, which is similar to muscuular dystrophy. He is on disability now for depression, but doubtless could get it just for the dystrophy alone, which is already affecting his manual dexterity, muscle strength, etc.
Anyway, I feel like now I have a better bargaining chip for being treated with a little more respect from BG, if I stick to my guns and don't let myself get bullied around. Yes, from the outside it sounds like your typical rationalization. But like most couples who've been together for a number of years, we do bicker. Most of the time it's half tongue in cheek. BG pretends he wants me out, then complains if I do take a break from him. He wants it, in other words, both ways. Typical borderline personality disorder behavior.
More dirt? Well, in the spirit of in for a penny, in for a pound, here's excerpts from my two e-mails to BLLB about the situation.
E-MAIL NUMBER ONE
Many thanks for your kind and generous offer!
Well, the fact of the matter is that I'm back with BG. He called me the day after and I came back. It's pretty nasty downtown anyway (lol). But I think from now on I have a better bargaining chip for being treated with a bit more respect. I have to stand up for myself too. And if he can't handle it, I will just have to leave. I've had time to get used to the idea.
But I can't see it coming to that at this point, though it's now in the back of my mind as a "backup plan." BG has been under strain and he seems better now. Being together in this tiny apartment is nerve wracking for both of us...(snip snip).
Nevertheless, BG is probably going to come help me clean and pack the rest [Note: I'm not as sure about this now], and he finally seems to understand that L [my ex-boyfriend] does not hate him, wish him harm, or have romantic designs on me.
L is emotionally and physically disabled from his dystrophy condition, which will probably shorten his life and quite possibly cripple him at some point, leaving him confined to a wheelchair. I think BG finally sees the gravity of this, and why I feel concern for L's welfare even as I try to move things along.
L genuinely needs my help for anything requiring manual dexterity. His upper body strength is also weak, so he can't lift much. Thus one of the reasons this has dragged out for so long--he can't or won't do much on his own.
This illness also has an effect on the personality. Victims typically become flattened and apathetic in their emotional range, and start to neglect self-care and housekeeping more and more. There's even a facial characteristic that develops, which he's had the beginnings of for some time.
BG's current symptoms and behavior would take a separate, longer e-mail to describe.
So anyway, BLLB, I do so appreciate your offer. It's great to know that you guys are there if I need it. I will keep you posted, and always love to hear from you. Please let me know how you and the clan are doing.
MY E-MAIL NUMBER TWO
OK, so I lied. I think I'll save the info in the second e-mail for a subsequent post. It occurs to me also that I have not explained for awhile what L's condition is, so I may do this later. The second e-mail deals more with BG's behavior and "symptoms." I'll post again soon.
Thanks again, my friends, for your kind comments and support.